


You have no idea how I feel

by Stargazer673



Series: Doddsverse [21]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-19 23:25:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17011158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stargazer673/pseuds/Stargazer673
Summary: Argument about Mike's schedule





	You have no idea how I feel

One month with a new squad and he had been late every day. Not sure why you were surprised, should be used to it by now. Between the military assignments, and climbing the law enforcement career ladder, you’d had moved 6 times in 10 years. It wasn’t so bad when it was just you and Mike. Now, with a two year old and six months pregnant with your second, things were different. You wanted a more stable environment for your family. You grew up in a military family, It was so hard forming relationships, you didn’t want that for your kids.

Taking a deep sigh, you cleared the table, and put away the leftovers. Isaac was watching TV, while you cleaned up. “C'mon, buddy. Bath time.” 

“I want Daddy give me baf, pwheeze”, his simple little plea making you sad.

“I know, but Daddy has to work hard to catch the bad guys. So0 you’re stuck with ole’ Mom.” You tickled him and he giggled.

One bubble bath, three stories, a drink of water and multiple hugs and kisses, your sweet boy was finally tucked into bed.

Making your way to the kitchen, you put the tea kettle on and grabbed a mug from the cabinet. While waiting for the water to heat, you changed into PJ’s. The kettle was whistling when you came back. Hoping the herbal tea would help you relax, you decided to go into office and unpack some more boxes.

Some time later you heard Mike come in the door, the clock on the desk read 9pm. The floorboards creaked as Mike walked down the hall. Sighing, you stood, and ambled into the bedroom. He had his back to the door and was changing from his suit into a pair of sweats, you leaned against the door taking in the sight of him.

“Isaac missed you this evening. he wanted you to give him a bath”

He turned, “yeah. Wish I could have been here”, sighing.

“Why couldn’t you?”,you retorted.

“Please do not start, Y/N. Not tonight”, he huffed. 

“Whatever”, turning quickly you went to the kitchen and placed your mug in the dishwasher. Mike’s foot steps were right behind you. 

“What’s your problem, Y/N?” You spun around to face him. These are the times you wish you were taller, your 5′2″ to his 6’2″ was frustrating at times. 

Looking up at him, you crossed your arms over your chest. “I’ll tell you what my “problem” is. You are never are home on time, ever. You said it would be different this time. But guess what? It’s the same crap, just a different city”, you spat out. 

“You know I’m new here. You know I have to put my time in. I can’t just clock out at 5pm like a regular job. You need to get that into your head. There are people that need me more than you do. I get pressure from my dad, work, my brother, I sure as hell don’t need it from you!”, he pointed a finger in your direction, his voice rising with the last sentence. 

“Shut the hell up, Mike”, the calmness of your voice worrying you. “You have no idea how I feel, you work all the time”, tears threatening to spill from your eyes. “You’re right, there are people that need you more than me. And the one that should be most important is down the hall sleeping, the other is right here”, you place a hand on your belly. “Isaac misses his Daddy. I miss my husband. I feel like a single parent most of the time. It’s not fair to any of us.” The tears were flowing freely now. Taking a shaky breath you attempted to calm down.

Mike’s face softened with your confession. Mike made a move to reach out to touch you but you flinched away, “Don’t. Touch. Me.” He dropped his hand and looked down at his feet. Mike opened his mouth to say something, but you push by him. “ I need some fresh air.”

The crisp fall air helped calm you a bit. The porch swing rocked slowly back and forth. Your mind went back to before you met Mike. Things were simple, but you were lonely. You family lived half way across the country, you had a few friends but no one close. The day you met Mike you literally fell for him. Well, more like tripped over a branch while jogging. He was passing you at the exact time you were falling and somehow caught you. You smiled at the memory. From that point, the only thing that kept you apart was his deployments. 

The air became cooler and you were thinking about going in to talk things through with Mike. You were calmed, regretting some of the things you said. Mike was a wonderful husband and father. He made you feel safe,you trusted him fully and you loved that man more than life. He had so much stress. His father drove him to be the best, his brother was usually in trouble for illegal activity, his mom absent and you couldn’t imagine the things he saw with his job.

A blanket was wrapped around your shoulders. Mike came around and joined you on the porch swing. Mike looked into your eyes. You could see he had been crying too. He timidly reached for your hand. You placed your hand in his and scooted closer to him. Laying your head on his shoulder you softly apologized. “I’m sorry Mike.” He raised your joined hands and kissed yours.

“I am too, love.” You peeked up at him. He hadn’t used your pet name for awhile.

You sat silently for awhile, the only sound was the occasional creaking as the swing rocked back and forth.

Mike was the first to break the silence. He untwined your fingers and put his arm around your shoulders under the blanket. Slowly running his thumb over your skin.

“ I was watching Issac sleep before I came out. He looked so peaceful and innocent. It made my heart hurt with how much I love him. You, Issac and this little one”, splaying his large hand over your stomach. “are the most important people in my life. I’m sorry if i have ever made you feel otherwise. There are days at work when I think I just can’t go on, I can’t do it. You know what keeps me going? Knowing I get to come home to you guys.” His eyes were glassy and voice brittle. 

You took a deep breath taking in every detail of your gorgeous husbands face. “Do you remember the day we met?” 

He chuckled, “how can I forget? You fell right onto my arms, then my heart.”

You grinned. “I knew that day I never wanted to be in anyone else’s arms. I have never felt more safe in my life. I never want to lose that.”

Mike kissed your hair. “Ready to go in?” 

You shook your head. “Just a few more minutes.”


End file.
